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Important Decisions

In life we face many important decisions. From where we go to school, to who we marry, to where we live and what we do for a living. This being an election year, the decisions we make now will impact us for years to come. You really want to put as much thought as possible into decisions like these, they’re decisions you might have to live with for the rest of your life.

One of the most important decisions you can make is video game character creation. A lot of the video games we play these days allow extensive character customization, from hair colors to details such as deciding your characters chin and cheekbone combination. You want to make most aesthetically pleasing character you can, even if the game is a first-person view game like Skyrim. Sure, you don’t see your character personally much after you create it, and most of the time you’re covered in armor anyway. But you’ll know, and so will the rest of Skyrim! You don’t want to face down Alduin the world eater looking like a mentally disabled Orc, do you? No! you want to be the fiercest Orc there is! You want the greenest skin, the longest tusks, the most epic mohawk!

Granted these things do not affect your game play in any way. But that doesn’t stop me from literally taking up to two hours on a character creation screen. I am guilty of creating two or three characters I like then I cycle through them until I decide. I even take future gameplay into account on top of trying to make the coolest looking character. If I’m planning to play through the Imperial side of the civil war, I’m not very well going to play a Nord. I simply do not understand people that will just select a default character and just jump right into gameplay. What about his jawline? Are you satisfied with his hairstyle? Should he really have brown eyes? How can you live with yourself without making those decisions! You are this character are going to be together for upwards of 100 hours of gameplay! That’s like going into a crowd of people, pointing randomly at someone and deciding to get married right on the spot! Do you even like the same things? What would your kids look like? What if they eat babies? You don’t want to end up with a baby eater, do you?

For example, I decided I might want to play as an Imperial Army sympathizer. For the best fit into the storyline I decided to make either an Altmer or Imperial. After around 45 minutes I created a male Imperial I named Mittius Romnicus. Then I remembered that Imperials tend to be a little elitist. They are used to money and power, and they even sided with the Aldmeri Dominion! (Who does that?) They’re not really sure how Skyrim works but assume they know better and begin making changes that really just aren’t going to work. After considering this for a bit, I decided to try making someone that might side with the Stormcloaks to compare him to. Just to be certain.

Mittius Romnicus

After another half an hour or so, I created a Redguard I named Barackim. Then I remembered Nords are not that kind to outsiders, so even if he was born in Skyrim and fought for the Stormcloaks, chances are they’d still think he was born outside Skyrim and assume anything he tried would be more harmful than good. Still better than siding with the Altmer, but again… I’m still unsure. What if I don’t end up wanting to do the civil war storyline at all?


Then just as a thought I decided to make a Khajiit that looks like my cat, Shiva. It took a while, but I managed to get her coloring just right, She’s a tortoiseshell so her coloring is tricky. I was pleased with the result and decided to press the submit button. Third options are always good!

my cat, Shiva.

I find it makes you care about the game a bit more if you care about your character. If you spend a lot of time making them look awesome, you sort of want them to do well. You still jump off cliffs for fun, but you at least save beforehand! Character creation is one of my favorite parts of any game. I even buy Soul Calibur games simply because of the character creation feature. It’s fun to fight Nightmare as a half naked man in a police hat and furry boots, ya know?

Character creation is serious business. Put some thought into your character creation! Don’t be one of those Default Character selectors! Nobody likes a default character selector. 

The Return of the Blog, AKA “The Mudcrab Merchant”

Wow, blogging! It’s been quite a long accidental hiatus! A lot has happened, I could make something fun up about how we went on some sort of adventure, but mostly Kelso and I got stuck working mandatory overtime at work and didn’t have time to update. Not as much fun, I know! 

In other news, Kelso will be working on her own project soon so be on the lookout for that! I’ll be keeping everyone updated on the project and helping to advertise for her when it actually starts. This means the blog is now up to me entirely. I will be continuing to write as before, but I can’t draw to save my life so it will likely be mostly just text and maybe the occasional Photoshop graphic. Kelso will still be involved as the blog was the brain-child of both of us, and while I will still be writing it alone, the ideas involved are the product of both of us being demented together. That will definitely continue! So now if the updates are slow to come, it’s entirely my fault! /pressure.

To get back into the swing of things, I’ve written a haiku! I love Haiku. They’re my favorite form of poetry and I tend to write them often. This time, I’ve written a story in haiku form about the Mudcrab Merchant from the game Morrowind. He’s a normal Mudcrab in appearance, but for some reason he’s got the most money in the game merchant-wise, and he only seems to sell alcohol. Also you can sell him illegal items, such as the drug Skooma. Weird. I’d like to think he wears a cool hat and possibly a monocle. 

Without further adieu, The Mudcrab Merchant, A Haiku. 

The Mudcrab Merchant
Lives on Azura’s Coast.
Morrowind Islands.
The Mudcrab Merchant
M’aiq The Liar knows him.
Or was he lying?
The Mudcrab Merchant
Is the richest of merchants.
He’s rolling in cash.
The Mudcrab Merchant
He only sells alcohol.
Where does he get it?
The Mudcrab merchant
Drunkenly buys everything
How is he so rich?
The Mudcrab Merchant
I’ve arrived to see his wares.
I’m sure he’s friendly!
The Mudcrab Merchant
Looks like all the other crabs
except with a hat.
The Mudcrab Merchant
He’s looking kind of tipsy.
Is he drinking wine?
The Mudcrab Merchant
Is singing a tavern song.
In the crab language.
The Mudcrab Merchant
Sees me coming toward him
It’s transaction time!
The Mudcrab Merchant
Is paranoid and twitchy.
He has sharp pincers!
The Mudcrab Merchant
Is drunk and high on Skooma
A scary combo.
The Mudcrab Merchant
Seems to think I’m a town guard.
Must be my armor.
The Mudcrab Merchant
This was a bad idea.
I think I’ll go now…
The Mudcrab Merchant
Is chasing me back to town.
Running for my life!
The Mudcrab Merchant
Is he still following me?
Oh good, he passed out.
The Mudcrab Merchant
I made it to town safely.
Bad experience!
The Mudcrab Merchant
Azura’s Coast’s best merchant!
Visit him today!

Text Post Tue, May. 01, 2012 1 note


In an effort to keep this blog going while we’re TOTALLY SWAMPED WITH WORK we’ve decided to post a few things just to sort of tide everyone over until our next real update. We’re working on something pretty good right now we just haven’t had enough time to finish it. But it should be up we hope this weekend. In the meantime… Kelso has given me some of her MSpaint doodles to post, and I can throw some of my random Photoshops up (because I can’t draw, like at all.) Don’t worry though, we hope to be less busy here in the near future and can update more regularly.

A Shark, in a tutu

Kelso decided this shark needed a skirt. I agree!

The Most interesting Gene in the World

I pasted our friend Gene’s head on The Most Interesting Man in the World, which gives me free reign to put all his fun personality traits into meme form whenever I want!


Kelso made a Blob Cat once, then had to apologize to our friend Alexis because her cat is the size of an Xbox and she was like “This isn’t your cat I swear!” 


I did this in paint at work, and it’s only funny if you’re old enough to remember the YipYip Aliens from Sesame Street AND Have watched The Last Airbender… but I posted it on Reddit once and got ALL THE UPVOTES so some people got it. Lol

ANYWAY That’s enough of our nonsense for one day. Hope to have a real update up this week! 

BOOBS RO DAH! (Unrelenting Breasts Shout)

The response to our call for assistance with our research regarding the tale of Sveinbjorn the Weird has been quite fruitful, as We gained a few leads that we have since attempted to follow. Most ended in disappointment, the trails would grow cold or stop abruptly. Likely the Greybeards got there before us and wiped all the evidence. However, In a small cave, our first words of power by Sveinbjorn The Weird glowed softly in the darkness as we walked nearer. These characters were strange, one of the words was not in the language of the dragons. It looked to be in the common tongue, albeit an ancient form of it. Strangely enough, this did not seem to hinder us from learning his shout. We decided since we weren’t sure exactly what this shout was meant to do that we should keep looking around the cave. Upon Further investigation we came across a tattered old journal. Its entry looked to have been written down in haste, his handwriting was difficult to read in some places, but the name Sveinbjorn was clearly written on the cover. The entry documented the words we’d just seen, explained the shout’s creation and some scribbled drawings depicting its use. We grabbed the journal and left the cave to continue our investigation in a safer location. Here are the contents of the journal, again documented just in case.”

Research Notes - BOOBS RO DAH (Or as I like to call it, UNRELENTING BREASTS.)

"I am writing this in haste, as I must leave town before the night is over. I have used my power for something terrible… Or so I’m told. People often say "Don’t let power fall into the wrong hands" and I’m starting to think they might’ve been referring to me. Personally, I thought it was quite funny and I have no regrets. Even as I write this I am chuckling to myself.

Upon a recent visit to Falkreath I was approached by a distraught woman. She said she had heard my words had power and wondered if I could possibly convince the man she had her eye on to give her a look. The gent she had enamored herself with was handsome, tall, and of good standing and therefore had never given her a second glance. I explained to her that my ability was not the power to persuade, but the way of the voice. She surprised me by informing me that in her youth she had been taught, briefly, by the Greybeards herself. I decided to see what I could do to assist her. I retired to my room to attempt to create a shout for her purpose.

A few days later, I had crafted a shout I thought for sure would help her in her cause. A shout must have 3 words of power for maximum effectiveness, Therefore I assembled a shout using the 3 words BOOBS, RO, and DAH. (I had discovered previously that if done in the ancient form of the common tongue the words have a similar power, though not as powerful. In my studies of the dragon tongue I came across no draconic term for the word “breast”. I am guessing this is because, as reptiles, they would have no need of a word for them. Such a sad existance that must be for them.) Literally translated the words mean Breasts, Balance, Push. The idea being that the first word would enhance the size as a distraction, the second word would increase the size again to a slightly more ridiculous degree, causing you to lean back for balance (thus providing further distraction) and the final word, Push, Would enhance the size to a preposterous degree for a maximum, likely excessive, effect.  

I presented her with the shout, and she began practicing. When she was ready, she met with the gentleman of interest and used the first word. Her bust increased noticeably and his interest was definitely piqued. She did not reach the level of interest she intended however, so she used the second word. Her chest split the stitching on her bodice to a fairly indecent degree. Still, he was not on bended knee, so she used the final word. Suddenly, her breasts expanded to an alarming size, knocking the man off his feet and sending him careening down the lane on his back. She then released the power of her shout and carried the poor unconscious man off into the nearest building.

At first I was stunned, as were the other villagers. The shocked silence did not last, however. I had not foreseen the use of her breasts as a weapon to subdue her paramour. I immediately began laughing hysterically. Unfortunately for me, I then went from anonymous to completely recognized. The good people of Falkreath then chased me out of town, torches and pitchforks and all. I ran until I found this cave in which to hide temporarily. I used my last few moments here to inscribe the words of power into the wall. I will leave this journal here for further explanation. I hope, for hilarity’s sake, that this shout will be used again in the future, But for now, I must take my leave. Quickly.”

Considering Kelso and I both had considered testing this shout upon its discovery, I felt we had avoided a rather hilarious disaster. I could’ve destroyed my favorite suit of Dragonscale armor! I might make use of the first word of the shout on occasion, For research of course. Kelso, on the other hand, already has possible plans for this shout, as she has had her eye on a certain Brynjolf of the Thieves Guild for quite some time.

I would advise anyone interested in learning this shout to consider the repercussions, as it is obviously unstable and dangerous… and kind of silly. If you simply must use it, be warned. We are not taking responsibility for your arrests, your torn clothing, and certainly not for the impending restraining orders. However, we find ourselves joining Sveinbjorn in hoping this shout will get some use. We’d like to walk into a town and hear all the townsfolk discussing the recent breast bludgeoning accident, for our own amusement. Perhaps the boom in weddings will get the backing of the Temple of Mara? Probably not. At the very least the temples could see a surge in attendence due to the likely need for concussion and bruise treatments.

And at least now we have a better idea what we’re dealing with when it comes to Sveinbjorn the Weird. We can’t wait to find more of his work! By all means, keep the leads coming! We’ll be in touch!

The Tale of Sveinbjorn The Weird

Around the nation of Skyrim you might find books. Many different kinds of books. Some of which teach you skills, others lead you on quests, and still others are simply there to give you insight into the world we live in. One of the lesser known tomes is known as The Tale of Sveinbjorn The Weird. It’s a rare book, in fact there are only 2 copies in existence that we’re aware of. One is kept by the Greybeards under lock and key, and the other is currently in Kelso and my possession. We went through a lot to get it, it took years to locate and several more to obtain it. There are many that would love to get their hands on this book, so we’ve been careful to keep its existance a secret. The Greybeards had good reason to want all copies destroyed as it marks a dark spot in their illustrious history. The story is of a man who was once a student of the Greybeards, yet fell from their favor. History paints Sveinbjorn The Weird as slightly mad and dangerous, but we feel there must be more to the story than what is written. Our research has taken us all across Skyrim searching for pieces of a life that was all but wiped from history. We’d like to share the contents of this book and what we do know just in case something happens to us or our research. Our quest to find more information and possibly more of his work has reached a dead end, and after years of study we desperate for any leads. Perhaps sharing the information we do have will lead to discoveries that might further our research. Perhaps the Greybeards might finally acknowledge a man that was once one of their brightest pupils, or perhaps we simply risk angering the them to satisfy our own curiosity. I will write it word for word, to preserve its integrity and hope that someone reading might have more information. Hopefully the Greybeards’ fury has cooled over the millennia and we won’t find ourselves a powerful new enemy.

The Tale of Sveinbjorn The Weird

By Ingvar Things-Knower.

There are many tales regarding the war against the dragons. Songs were sung around campfires of the heroes and their powerful Shouts bringing dragons out of the sky, and the heroes that defeated The World Eater himself. Men, Women and Children alike wished to learn to use their voices in the way of the heroes to defend their lands and further their ambitions. Many had the aptitude, though many more did not. Those with ability were taken in by the Greybeards, masters of the Way of the Voice dwelling at High Hrothgar. They had many pupils, but The brightest of these was a man known as Sveinbjorn. Little to nothing is known of his family or from which Hold he hailed. All that is known is that out of all their students he showed the most promise. He was no Dragonborn, yet he learned more quickly than most. So promising was he that the Greybeards entrusted to him many secrets, and was taught the language of the Dragons from their elusive leader Paarthuranax himself. It was from this knowledge that Sveinbjorn began secretly crafting shouts of his own. This was forbidden, as it is difficult to know the full effect of a shout until it is used, and therefore it is very dangerous. He was eventually discovered, and banished from high hrothgar. This did not deter Sveinbjorn, who continued to create new shouts in his exile.

He traveled the land, demonstrating his shouts as he went, and teaching those that wanted to learn them in each hold. He earned the wrath of the Greybeards, who followed him attempting to silence him and stop his flawed Way of the Voice from spreading. Sveinbjorn gained a reputation as he traveled of being a bit mad, as his shouts were not quite as effective as those commonly known and used by the Greybeards. They were not very powerful, mostly amusing and useless. He became known as Sveinbjorn the Weird and people began to dismiss him and his talents. None the less he still had many followers, and his way had begun to spread in secret. The Greybeards did not relent, however, and in his frustration, he continued to invent new shouts, yet rather than publically display them he began to scrawl his words of power on stone and parchment in random locations. If there was a pattern to where he recorded his work, it is unknown. His words of power have been found in tombs, in caves, on buildings, and even scratched into the ground. As years passed, Sveinbjorn’s words appeared less frequently until they ceased alltogether. The Greybeards swept the land erasing all they found, making sure to tarnish what little reputation he had as they went. 

Occasionally the Words of Sveinbjorn The Weird are found etched into stone, but those that find it keep quiet. For if the Greybeards discover their use, the shouter is quickly silenced.

it is not known what became of the man, but his legend is a source of both humor and mystery. And his work, though likely still practiced, is done so in secret.”

We have not found much beyond this book and a few words of power he left behind, but we are hoping writing this will yield results. we do not fear the wrath of the Greybeards, we are not seeking to tarnish their reputation or expand our own power. we are simply adventurers and chroniclers in search of knowledge of a man lost to history, and of course a really good quest. We would welcome any insight as to his life or his work, and hope to find a lead to uncover more about Sveinbjorn The Weird and his Words of Power. Any and all findings will be added to our research and we will keep all interested in our progress informed should we find any leads. I cannot disclose our location for our own safety, however if you have information for us and wish to find us, don’t worry. we’ll find you. 

Text Post Wed, Apr. 04, 2012 1 note


Drem Yol Lok! I’m Rae, and my friend Kelso and I have decided to start a blog. Not really sure how to begin a blog without some sort of background on us and I suppose sort of a mission statement so here goes.

When you’ve got an overactive imagination, chances are you’re a little easily amused and see the world in kind of an off-kilter way. I happen to be one of those people. When you’re one of those people most other people think you’re weird. And really, they’re probably right! but when one of those people meets another one of those people, usually bad things happen. And by bad things, I mean AWESOME things. This happened when I met my friend Kelso at work. Turns out whatever nonsense either of us spouts during the day, the other will usually feed off of it and make it much worse. Even the simplest of subjects would quickly derail into something ridiculous, to our great amusement. We started to notice how much fun our nonsense was becoming  and decided to figure out a way to keep track of said nonsense. What better way than a public blog where our nonsense can reach a wider audience than simply the poor coworkers that happen to sit near us?  

We decided to name our blog Brovahkiin. A few months ago, Kelso and I ended up both getting the game Skyrim. We’re pretty avid gamers, and we both really got hooked on this one. I play a High Elf and Kelso plays an Orc. This of course led to many discussions on the game, characters, and things we’d change or add if we had the ability. We decided as fellow Dovahkiin that we would call ourselves Brovahkiin. Because we’re bros. and Dovahkiin. You see.

So this blog will probably be pretty Skyrim heavy but definitely not Skyrim exclusive. It will at least come up a lot! But we are pretty well-rounded nerds so expect quite a wide range of subjects to be represented here. Our tastes are broad and it doesn’t take a lot to amuse us, so even we’re not sure what will end up here until we hit submit at the end of the post! we’re also not quite sure how often we’ll update but we’ll do our best to be regular posters.

As for who’s doing what, in general I am doing the majority of the actual writing, and Kelso the drawing.  However we cross each other’s domains pretty often and the entire blog is pretty well 50/50 for both of us. We’re basically just doing this for our own amusement, and if we happen to amuse a few other people, great! If not… who cares!

Anyway, Neither of us like talking about ourselves, but we decided we needed some sort of introduction to both the blog and to ourselves. The banner is a drawing of us as our Skyrim characters, but that’s hardly informative. so instead we decided to make our personal introduction through Pokémon cards. Because that’s how we do.

Kelso, Artist Type          Rae, Writer Type